Just another Monday

You all know my husband travels for business, yes? Quite a bit, really. But today he didn't leave till the afternoon and he'll be back tomorrow. I should be able to handle this.

And I would, except that the children have a built in sensor for when he's left. I don't know how they do this, but I do know if this could be harnessed somehow for national defense we could do away with the creepy airport scanners and probably most world wars.

So.. what did the little darlings do, you ask? It started out small. An absolute refusal to go to hula by Mystery Man - my 3 year old. I couldn't really blame him. It's no fun to sit on the cold floor while your sister ami's around the island for half an hour and he got reprimanded for running last week.

Him: I won't go to hula because I am afraid. Do you know what I am afraid of?
Me: Um, the bathroom fan.
Him: Nope, try again.
Me: The teacher because she told you not to run?
Him: Yes, and that is why I'm not going.

Our hula teacher is a lovely and wonderful person but Mystery Man has trust issues. I bribed him with McDonalds and we made it, but not without lots of conversation and a brief stand off where he said he'd stay in the car where he'd be nice and safe.

We return. It's pitch black and pouring and just warm enough that it's rain, but not snow, but no warmer. He's asleep. We race inside, arms full of food and sleeping three year old. Boop, my 6 year old tells me her ear still hurts. I look for medicine and ponder a trip to the pediatrician for an ear infection. No, it hurts around her earring. Oh. Ohhhhh. Crap.

I look. I have to promise not to hurt her. The back is crooked and digging into her ear. I tell her I'll fix it. She panics. I give her a pencil to bite down on and tell her that's what soldiers did during World War One when you had to set their bones in the field. Yes, I'm not kidding. That's exactly what I told her. She bit down on the pencil. I touched her ear and she went flying. Great. I figured I'd get it when she was sleeping.

Then I hear screaming. Blood is pouring down her cheek and across her chin. It's not good to run when people are holding your earring. I want to look at it.

Boop: You told me the pencil would make it not hurt and now I am BLEEDING! I am not taking any more chances with this ear!

Fortunately, her big sister saved the day and cleaned up the blood and got the Neosporin on. I need to reward her greatly. In large part because of what's coming next.

We return to our McDonald's feast and Red, my 10 year old, is standing at the kitchen island eating. She's wearing a pair of jeans and a cropped sweatshirt that should sit right at her waist but sometimes rides up a little. It exposes a strip of skin right at Mystery Man's mouth level. This does not escape MM's notice. He takes a big gulp of soda, aims, shoots.

He's rewarded with the biggest scream he's ever gotten out of Red. Of course, he repeats his win. I move to stop him, but have issues with, shall we say, misplaced laughter, and can't quite catch my breath. Red shoots daggers at me. I finally get MM to swallow his drink.

I get them in bed. I read chapter two of Harry Potter. I tuck them in. I come downstairs and call my darling husband because I realize I missed his call.

Me: Did you call? Sorry, I was putting the kids to bed.
Him: Don't say sorry. You don't know why I called.
Me: ...
Him: Remember when I said I'd take the garbage to the curb before I left on the trip?
Me: No. No no no no no. You know it's raining, pitch black, and the recycling has to go out too.
Him: How about I make you a great dinner in a couple of days.

Yes, he's cooking Thanksgiving. No, it doesn't count.

I was nice about it. But if you know me at all you know I took the opportunity to point out that if I had my pit bull this wouldn't be an issue. A harness, a good rope, a few choice instructions, and there you go. Don't ruin my dream. It could happen.

And the first thing I did when I got back was blog about it except every time I hit my Enter key it popped up HP sound settings instead of giving me a carriage return and you can't do an entire blog post on one line. I blame Mystery Man, but I have no idea how he pulled that one off...

Clearly, a reboot fixed that problem. Now, to reboot the rest of the evening...


Amy C said...

Oh wow, sounds like your husband owes you big time! How do these things happen when you're on your own with the kids??

November 22, 2011 at 8:28 PM
Anonymous said...

Anything is worth going through if you get a good blog post out of it. Thanks for the laugh; we've all been there at one time or another!

November 23, 2011 at 9:12 AM
Mirka Breen said...

The Mamas & Papas’ ‘Monday, Monday’ came chiming in as I read your great post. “Every other day… Every other day of the week is fine, yeah!”
May your other days be fine.

November 23, 2011 at 9:59 AM
Jennie Bailey said...

Well, my pit bull would be absolutely no help because she huddles behind you in situations where you really wish she would stand loud and proud and protective. She missed the memo about pit bulls being bad ass. Oh, and she hates the rain. As in, you can't bribe her with cookies to go out in it when she hasn't gone potty for twelve hours. Won't go in the house either. Just won't go. How was dinner? Was it yummy? Did he really cook it? I would love to get out of cooking dinner just once. But I'm not sure going through all that you did would make it worth it. ;-) Well, the kids would. They sound so cute!

November 27, 2011 at 10:45 PM
Mystery Robin said...

So I'm clearly going to have to rain test my future pit bull since I live in Seattle. Maybe a slicker? Or an umbrella? I have heard that their short coat and low body fat make it so they really don't like being cold and wet. But regardless of if it would really work, "If I only had a pit bull" is my constant refrain until I actually have a pit bull. I'm counting on the wear down factor more than any kind of reason. It works well for my 6 year old.

And dinner was fabulous! My mom and my husband did all of it. I was briefly concerned when he was stuck on the pass for 8 hours Tuesday, but he made it! The turkey was delicious and I've never really loved turkey - something about the brine made it super mosit. Anyway, they're on again for next year!

November 27, 2011 at 10:54 PM

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