The Winter Ball

The day started with me frantically realizing I needed to de-Mom my car because we were supposed to bring a friend with us to the ball. I carried in bags of stuff that the kids seem to have enough hands to take out to the car and never enough hands to take in. Then, I took the girls to the gas station to throw out any old Starbucks cups that may have been missed (it happens) and vacuum it thoroughly.

I left Mystery Man at home. He's afraid of car vacs. The girls hid in the back. Did I mention I'm dieting - my fabulously researched yogurt and hummus diet - I'm not kidding. So my blood sugar may have been a tad low. And Boop saw the quarters for the vacuum and her eyes did that thing in the cartoons where they spring out of the head and then back in.

It only takes one quarter to buy a bouncy ball at Old Navy. One quarter and all of my sanity because of course the floor of Old Navy is cement and the clothes racks have just enough space for one bouncy ball to get trapped under.

But I digress.

We vacuumed. We went to Old Navy. We got bouncy balls. I tried on everything in the store, realizing that while I'd made sure the kids had lovely outfits, I had nothing. It's the stay at home mom version of Cinderella.

Sadly, Old Navy had nothing for me. I went across the street to Nordstrom's Rack. I tried on 9 dresses in a dressing room with both girls who begged me to get a long tank dress that looked like smudged lipstick, but it also made me look like a baked potato, so I declined.

I headed back home to find Mystery Man waiting on the front steps with DH for me. My heart breaks a little every time he does that.

We got in, I made two dinners - one for the dieters - one for the kids who don't seem to care for yogurt and hummus. Then we dressed for the ball.

The girls put on their fancy Christmas dresses, I managed to cobble something together that involved my high heeled leather boots - note, this is not a good strategy for dances taking place in gyms - and Mystery Man put on his jeans, cowboy boots, and plaid flannel. Because if you watch enough hours of Gilmore Girls your little boy will come into the world wearing a backwards baseball cap and plaid flannel.

We found out our friend couldn't come with us and much crying ensued as the girls begged me to bring her. But, try as I might, I couldn't turn the cat into their friend any more than I could turn a pumpkin into a clean car.

We manage to get the girls buckled in and stop the tears by the time we arrive at the school. I meet up with a friend in the parking lot while DH got the kids out and the girls sprint ahead for the gym which is when DH leans in and says,

"Did you see Boop's shoes?"

Huh? What do you... oh no.

My friend doubles over laughing. Boop's in her black velvet and gray sparkly Christmas dress with... blue fuzzy crocs.

DH said, "I heard her say something about wearing different shoes than you picked out, but I didn't know what that meant."

"At least she's comfy!" My friend says. Mmm hmm... I should have worn the crocs because my feet are already killing me at this point and I'm trying to figure out how Boop's gonna do the Virgina Reel in hers.

Inside the gym, things start to settle down. We all five do the first dance with Mystery Man trailing along behind, threading the needle like a pro. Then we break for cookies. DH is about to ask Red to dance the next dance with him, when a sweet little 9 year old boy walks up to her, holds out his hand and says,

"Would you like to dance with me?"

"Sure!" She said, and he escorted her to the floor. DH's eyes got really big and I might have melted into a puddle. His mom winked at me.

We rushed off to the chairs in the corner for a better view. They danced adorably, then at the end, he took her by the hand and escorted her back to the other corner of the gym where he'd asked her to dance. DH sprinted over there to receive her. More of me melting into a puddle.

Then the girls wanted water. I offered to walk them into the lobby for water. When I got back, DH asked where Mystery Man was.

Uh oh.

We had just enough time to panic before we heard a loud wail from the other end of the gym and saw a lovely Senior carrying him to us. Mystery Man does not like to be carried about by strange girls. Even lovely 18 year olds. (Good Mystery Man!) He likes his mama. Which is what he told the rest of the gym LOUDLY for the next 20 minutes. I tried walking him outside. I tried walking over to our friends. But MM would only be comforted by chewing on his shirt. Flannel's nice like that. He's been a comfort chewer since I took the binky's away a few weeks ago. Suddenly, he realizes his shirt is wet and disgusting and with a loud grunt he rips it open, Incredible Hulk style. Fortunately, this was the shirt with snaps.

Now he's wailing, half naked, and I'm holding a soggy shirt. It's time to go. I collect our things and see the two girls are still dancing, so I take me keys and hobble to the car in my high heeled boots with MM over one shoulder screaming and his wet shirt in my other hand. I buckle him in without a shirt and he's still screaming something new.

Finally I realize it's "Back." He wanted to sit in the back. Guess who's not even remotely considering moving his car seat to the back row.

Then the girl's jump in - Boop saying "That was the most confusingest dance ever!" And Red looking down at the ground and muttering when I ask her how her dance was.

But the kids slept like rocks that night and I got to be the hovering mama instead of the nervous girl at the ball. It's not quite fairy dust, but it's close.


Melissa Marsh said...

Oh my GOSH. This was too funny! Lots of great moments here - especially loved when your daughter was asked to dance by the little boy. I can just imagine how your husband felt when he saw that!

February 9, 2010 at 8:13 AM
Tiffany Neal said...

YOU had me rolling. Probably because it sounds like it is straight from a movie, or actually straight from MY life!!
From the messy car, to the daughter changing shoes, to the Old Navy bouncy balls. THE WHOLE DARN THING!!!!!!!!

February 9, 2010 at 9:39 AM
Donna Gambale said...

"I tried on 9 dresses in a dressing room with both girls who begged me to get a long tank dress that looked like smudged lipstick, but it also made me look like a baked potato, so I declined." --- too funny.

That whole story was hilarious -- thanks for sharing, and for following the First Novels Club!

February 9, 2010 at 10:56 AM
Christine Danek said...

This is hilarious! I can relate especially the messy car--don't tell my hubby. Thanks for visiting my blog.
Great post!

February 9, 2010 at 12:44 PM

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