In which Robin dispenses hard earned wisdom

Public Service Announcement #1:

If you're going to get a nutritive IV, and I mean - who doesn't - do yourself a favor and eat first, or at least bring a latte with you. Don't think to yourself that it's early, and you can wait for your coffee or food till after. Just because it's called a "nutritive" IV, doesn't mean it's the same as eating. It's more like taking five hundred vitamins on an empty stomach, which, if you haven't done that and I mean - who hasn't - you get really shaky and twitchy and feel like you're going to throw up for several hours unless, of course, you do throw up. And if you haven't had your coffee - throw a headache in the mix as well.

Public Service Announcement #2:

If you are a father who is watching a child for the child's mother - think twice before telling her that he cried the entire hour and a half you were gone until you finally had to go out on the front lawn with him so he could just watch for your car. Her heart might spontaneously break, and that's messy - particularly if she's already twitching from all that nutrition without actually eating.

Public Service Announcement #3:

If you decide to take all three children shopping, and I mean - why wouldn't you if one has been crying for you on the front lawn for 90 minutes - don't buy them bouncy balls from the devil machine at Old Navy, knowing full well Old Navy has a cement floor and little Mystery Men can't possibly be convinced *not* to throw a ball. It's in their blood, somehow.

Public Service Announcement #4:

If your mother kindly offers to watch your children while you go out to dinner with your husband - and sit in the lounge, where you aren't even legally able to *be* with your brood - DO take her up on it. And DO see Harry Potter afterwards, because it's fabulous and amazing story telling. And try to block out of your mind the possible image of your son crying for you at the window all night, because he probably didn't and your mother read PSA #2 many, many years ago - except that being a woman and a mother she probably didn't have to.

I hope I'm of service to at least one of you.


Kimber An said...

Oh, thank you! I really needed all of these this morning. I do wish my husband would just lie to me about the children's behavior while I was gone. I'd love to come home and think everything was bliss while I was gone. I mean, are they trying to manipulate us into never going out? Don't they realize how incredibly cranky (and therefore unaffectionate) we get when we don't get out of the house once in a while?

September 13, 2009 at 5:20 AM
Kathleen said...

wow! what a day it sounds like!

also, off topic, Evil Editor is out of queries! any chance you have a draft to submit for critique? or know anyone who does?

He asked his readers to spread the word.

xoxo- Kat

September 14, 2009 at 12:41 PM
Tia Nevitt said...

You poor thing! At least your hard day ended well!

I'm getting my stomach looked at in two weeks . . . from inside. Ugh. I may have the nutritive IV, but eating first isn't optional.

September 14, 2009 at 3:09 PM

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